


J'ai perdu l'esprit

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (or atleast what i consider to be humor), 2012, AU, Blowjobs, Endgame Niall Horan/Zayn Malik, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Other, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-25 00:01:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1621766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His eyes were the kind you could get lost in, his hair the kind you'd want to card your fingers through for hours. When his heart was broken you'd immediately want to mend it, but then again..</p><p>You wouldn't. You knew you weren't the cause of his heartbreak, which you assumed meant he didn't love you. So as you made him a cup of tea and coddled him like a bee-stung child, you would regret it. Then you'd find yourself doing it again not two months later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	J'ai perdu l'esprit

**Author's Note:**

> Based very loosely on one of my favourite films called 'les amours imaginaires' which translates to heartbeats.  
> it's about an accidental love triangle between three friends, two boys one girl. hardship happens and stuff like that. you should go watch it, it's great.
> 
> I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this story, mostly cause like.. they're real people and i'm just some teenage girl across the world writing about them. so...
> 
> *winces*
> 
> (im also really sorry, english is not entirely my first language so things may be choppy somewhere in there. im shit at editing too)

>>

His name is Zayn Malik.

 

Niall thinks he's lovely. He has known him since the two of them first started highschool - nearly six years ago, was it? All he knows is that this boy is immaculate. A perfect vision of his previously blurry "ideal" man.

He has seen him at the worst of times, and at the best. He has gone out drinking to celebrate various occasions, smiling longingly at him from across the packed booth. Then he graciously drove him home, where Zayn proceeded to ask Niall to stop the car so he could stumble out into the bushes and rid himself of the uneasy alcohol settled in his stomach. Without fail, he's been there for everything.

Perrie is a mutual friend. She's tall and blonde, much like Niall... except, _female._ She's known the other two since highschool aswell, arriving late in the year and befriending nearly the entire grade within the blink of an eye. She joined yearbook club and grabbed the likes of Zayn, who introduced her to Niall. He remembers it vividly. He liked her - smiling crookedly as he extended his hand to shake her's. But as his hand left the side of his body, the likes of her were flushed down the toilet, replaced by the suspicion that was burning in the back of Niall's mind.

She had turned away. He was ready to formally introduce himself like he usually did, and she'd  _turned away -_ blabbering on to Zayn about how much she loved South Springs already, while Niall turned his head in embarrassment.

Perrie thinks Zayn is lovely too. She leans into him when they walk down the street, laughing so hard that her tears mix with her eyeliner. She pays for their drinks when they go out to clubs, so really she is quite lovely. Maybe she didn't see Niall's hand, there's a million different possibilities. Hell, she's probably forgotten all about that one time in highschool. She is out living her life and not dwelling on it, and maybe Niall could learn a thing or two from her about that.

He sighs. He can barely hear himself think over this crowded cafe, elbow rested on the tabletop and absently listening to what Zayn or Perrie have to say. "Niall?"

That very voice breaks him through whatever fog his mind was in, and it's like his muscles surge him into a series of stiff movements. He removes his elbow from the table and sits up straight, looking back and forth between his friends.

Perrie cocks her head towards Zayn, and Niall shifts his glance to look at him instead. Said boy's mouth grows into a slow but lovely smile, reaching his eyes in no time. "You kind of spaced out there for a second, bud. Everything okay?" He raised his eyebrows, lifting his coffeecup to his lips with both hands, taking a small sip. Zayn doesn't stop looking at Niall, even as the cup covers most of his face, and there's a hint of concern in there somewhere.

Niall nods, clearing his throat and furrowing his brow, looking down at his lap. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine." He looks back up. Perrie has this expectant look about her face, and Zayn is still drinking his coffee. "Just tired."

"Do you want me to drive you home?" Zayn asks, lifting an eyebrow as he sets his cup back down on the table, digging through his pocket for his keys. Niall thinks about it for a good second or so then shakes his head, picking up his own cup of cold tea to his pinkish lips and taking a small sip. "No, I'm alright. Bus station's right around the corner."

He smiles thankfully and stands up, pushing in his chair and giving Perrie a chaste kiss on the cheek. She beams up at him and sets her cellphone down on the table, and Niall tries not to look at it, no matter how much he wants to. He moves along, doing the same to Zayn except throwing a hug into the mix. Then he leaves the store.

It's raining. Niall swears it was sunny when he left his flat this morning.

The sidewalk is bustling with people of all ages going every which way and it's a fact that the one thing no one in this entire city is missing is an  _umbrella_. And as Niall cuts through the crowd of people and jogs towards the bus stop, he wonders why he hadn't thought of bringing an umbrella with him. He laughs to himself while he waits in the rain, a sad laugh. He had teased Perrie when she showed up at the cafe earlier with a polka dot umbrella - and she had told him it's always good to be prepared.

Like hell it is.

His cellphone started to beep the second he stepped off the bus, almost missing the step and falling flat on the wet concrete if it wasn't for his last minute self-awareness. He reached into his pocket, grumbling to himself, using his jumper as a shield from the raindrops.

 **zayn: did u get home ok??** (3.14)

 

Niall scoffed, quickly typing out a reply before shutting the phone off and tucking it in his pocket, speed walking down the tree-lined sidewalk toward his apartment building. There were worms all over the ground, just narrowly avoiding the disgusting event of being stepped on by Niall's _slightly-bigger-than-necessarry-but-there-were-no-other-ones-left-in-shop-so-whatever_ converse. 

He was glad to be home. Though the building he lived in wasn't all that much warmer than the temperature outside, it was still an improvement, and it smelt better too.

In the elevator, his phone went off again. The ringtone alert for all of Zayn's messages blaring through the tiny speakers, startling the little old lady standing next to him. She pressed a frail hand to her chest and Niall smiled sheepishly, muttering an apology for the loud rendition of '1901' that was bouncing off the walls.

"Zayn?" Niall asked impatiently, biting on his thumbnail, watching as the elevator went from floor to floor. Zayn hummed into the speaker. "Hey hey. Was just wondering if you wanted to come out with me and Perrie next Friday."

The blonde held his breath, waiting until the lady had left the elevator before replying. "What's next Friday?" His tone wavered nervously as he struggled to remain calm.  _You aren't being asked out on a date, Horan. Calm yourself._ "A few buddies from my photography class are having an end-of-the-term party, and they said I should bring someone along."

He lost himself in his thoughts, watching blankly as the lift stopped on his floor. By the time his feet stepped on the worn out carpet he remembered he hadn't replied yet. "Sure. It's a date," He winced, slapping a hand to his forehead. "I mean-"

"Great!" Zayn says suddenly, and Niall swears he can  _hear_ him smile. "I'll text you with the address and that, all you have to do is show up, alright?" Then the line goes dead. Niall stares at his phone screen for a minute, thinking about what just happened and why he was only 50% there for it. He sighs, figuring there's no time for an anyeurism tonight - so he gets out his key and walks down the hall to his flat, unlocking the door and basically floating inside.

"Fuck." He groans, and that's the last thing he says for the night - off to bed without dinner, or even changing into something comfortable to sleep in. 

 

<<

 

Perrie wanders out of study hall, clutching a few books to her jumper clad chest. There's a slight hop to her step, and that hop turns into a full on bounce when she sees Zayn walk down the corridor, smirking as he reads from his book. It's a wonder he hasn't fallen down any stairs or brutally injured himself with that habit, what with the rare occurrence that he actually pays attention to where he's going when he's reading. Perrie jogs up to catch up with him, slinging an arm around his shoulders once she's in a comfortable distance, balancing her text books on her other arm.

"What it do, nephew." She says with a grin, letting a small giggle escape her lips when Zayn breaks out into fond laughter. He folds a corner of his page down and tucks his book into his bag, pinching the blonde girl's waist with his fingers. She squeals and draws herself as far away from him as possible, laughing uncontrollably and nearly ramming right into a lady carrying a tray of coffee. 

Zayn pushes open the door leading into the courtyard, waiting until Perrie walks out before he does. "I was just gonna head over to Niall's." He starts, playing with his fingers and taking note of Perrie's curious glance. "He says he's come down with a cold or something and I figured I'd check on him."

"Do you want me to come along?" Perrie tilts her head, blue eyes wide one moment and narrowed the next.

He shrugs, tucking his hands into his coat pockets. "If you want. I'm sure he'd like to see you."

The blonde smiles and nods once, tightening her grip on her books. "Sorted."

 

>>

 

The flat is just starting to warm up, thanks to the (moderately late) fixing of the heater. Niall sits on his mother's old sofa with a winnie the pooh blanket draped around his shoulders and watches television, clad in nothing but a pair of boxers and knit socks his grandmother sent him last Christmas.

He grits his teeth at the television screen ahead of him, playing a film from somewhere in Canada. He has no idea what's happening but all he knows is that the main character is  _'hella fine_ _'_ , in his own words. 

When the buzzer sounds at the end of the hall his eyes go wide. He wasn't expecting anyone, and despite this lovely get-up he's acquired, he isn't sure he's in the mood for company today. Niall stands on his own shaky legs, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself. He takes small steps towards the door and narrowly avoids dropping the blanket when he reaches out to press the speaker button. "H-hello?" He croaks into the receiver, turning his head slightly to cough into his closed fist.

"Niall!"

_Zayn._

"Perrie and I brought you some soup, so let us up, yeah?" It's hard to tell Perrie is even there, and if he hadn't of mentioned her Niall would have thought he was only letting one person upstairs. Nevertheless, he complies, unlocking the door. "Alright, come on then."

It's a mad dash after that, running from room to room to bin all the used tissues and teabags. Niall curses himself out loud for not expecting this when he got a worried call from Zayn asking why he wasn't in class. But here he was, stuffing blankets in a pile on his unmade bed and trying not to trip over himself as he runs back to the door.

Zayn and Perrie both look equally confused. Zayn's hand is raised halfway to the air, like he was prepared to knock on the door - but it had been opened before he could do that so.. that's that.

They stand there, Niall panting madly and clutching the doorframe for dear life. It only takes the small flicker of Perrie's eyes and the weak giggle for him to realize somewhere along the way he forgot his blanket. Now clad in his boxers and socks, only.

Zayn erupts into slow laughter, flooding that section of the hallway and the frontal section of Niall's apartment. He holds up a bag from the cafe they were at the other day and lets himself in, kicking off his shoes and walking right through into the kitchen. "Nice pants, Nialler."

Perrie sighs, grinning at Niall when he looks at her again. All she does is pat his shoulder and step inside, calling out for Zayn and laughing at something going on. Something Niall has no idea of, because he's still in the doorway, staring at the wall adjacent to his flat. When he actually finds the time to close the door and recollect himself, he becomes aware of the scene. There's a cup of soup warming for him in the microwave and his two houseguests are absorbed in Niall's cat, Amelie.

"Last time I saw her she was just a kitten." Zayn coos, scratching behind the cat's ear with his index finger. Niall hums and can't help but smile, leaning his elbows on the countertop as he watches them interact. "Look how big she's gotten!" He then scoops Amelie up, showcasing her to Perrie as if she was his own prized possession.

The microwave beeps and hisses, scaring the poor cat right out of Zayn's grasp and scampering into Niall's bedroom. "Yeah," The boy trails off, glancing over his shoulder. "She's deaf in one ear? So.. loud noises don't go over well. That's why I don't usually use the microwave."

Perrie exhales through puffed out cheeks. "My aunt's dog is the same, with the deaf thing." She exchanges glances with both boys, leaning most of her weight on the counter. "But my cousins won't stop screaming in his ear just to make sure."

There's a short pause and Zayn looks back over at them from where he's taking the soup out of the appliance, stirring it with a clean spoon to make sure everything's mixed evenly. He then carries it over to a rednosed Niall, who accepts it with a drawn out thank you. "Did you want us to stay?" Zayn asks softly.

Niall pauses with the spoon halfway to his open mouth. "Here?"

He gets a nod and a raised eyebrow in response. He sets the spoon back down in the bowl, ignoring the rumbling in his stomach and the yummy aroma of the soup. "That'd be great. Unless you have something else to do this afternoon.." Niall looks between the two of them, eyes wide.

Zayn shrugs, looking to Perrie for her response. "I'm alright."

The blonde nods and tucks some of her light hair behind her ear, showing off the various piercings she has that Niall hadn't ever seen before in their entire friendship. "Same."

For the rest of the day the three of them hung out in the kitchen and the living room, watching a marathon of French films on television. Midway through their first, Zayn leaned over and before he spoke it felt like the time had slowed down. Niall took in his surroundings and made a mental note not to turn his head any more unless he wanted to be caught in an awkward situation. He contemplated the 'time slowing down' thought and decided it was just his cold.

"Is this why you're so good at speaking French?" He grinned.

Niall swallowed the ever-present lump in his throat, eyes trained on the television screen. "What?"

Zayn chuckled lightly and for the time it lasted it was like the only sound in the room. "You must have gotten your French speaking skills from these movies, hey?" Niall snorted and rolled his eyes, bypassing his comment for the time being.

Within the next few hours he found himself back at the doorway, dressed in a plain t-shirt and a pair of board shorts, bidding Zayn and Perrie goodbyes as they headed off down the hall to the elevators.

 

<<

 

The upcoming days each flashed by like the individual pages of a flipbook, landing on Friday morning (or rather Thursday at 11 PM) like it was the last page.

Zayn lay in bed and stared at the popcorn ceiling of his dorm room, hands resting on his rising and falling stomach. The sounds of the streetlife outside were brought to a slight hush by the muffled snores coming from Zayn's residence mate (or roommate, if you will) He and Zayn didn't see much of eachother, nor did they have much in common, but that didn't stop Zayn from hesitantly bringing up the party tomorrow night a few days ago - making the roommate (Klaud) turn and smile kindly, accepting his offer before hurrying off to class.

But now.. now he was just laying. Breathing, existing. He thinks about his day up until the point where he and Perrie dropped in on Niall, stopping there because he didn't want to think anymore.

For the next five to six hours he lay on his side, one arm under his pillow to support his head - drifting in and out of sleep. He awoke again when Klaud woke up early in the morning, preparing himself for his everyday jog. The second the door clicked shut it was quiet again. Quiet enough for Zayn to fall back asleep, one might think, but he would beg to differ.

His phone blinked a bright light into the air above it, illuminating the moderately dark room. Only when it started to buzz and vibrate annoyingly did Zayn do something about it, sitting up and grabbing it from his bedside table, unlocking it aswell.

 

 **niall: u never did txt me about the details ,haha** (6.04)

 

Zayn smiled fondly, his fingers hovering over the 2D keyboard while he contemplated his reply.

 

 **zayn: srry about that ,man. i forget the address but if u wait outside art history tonight after the lecture i'll hitch u a ride??** (6.06)

(read at: 6.07)

 **niall: sounds like a plan ツ** (6.12)

 

>>

 

"Salvador Dalí was highly imaginative, as you all know. Many of his works are painfully beautiful and though they may not click on the instant, deserve a deeper understanding of the concept." Niall listened with a tilted head as tonight's lecturer spoke, watching as he walked back and forth across the classroom before settling in the center, sitting atop the desk infront of the large blackboard.

The blonde let his eyes wander. Scanning the packed classroom for someone in particular.

He felt a light tap on his forearm, the speech concerning Salvador and his collaboration with Walt Disney indistinct in the background. Niall turned to his right, having forgotten his friend Liam was sitting next to him this entire time. The brunet boy smiled cheekily and leaned closer. "Are you going to the party tonight?"

"The party? The photography major party?" Niall whispered back, his eyebrows raised. His tone incredulous like he couldn't believe Liam knew about it. The boy nodded, running his tongue over his lower lip. "Are you going?"

Niall shrugged nonchalantly, picking up his pencil and pretending to jot something down in his notepad just to make it look like he was paying attention. "Yes."

"Sorted." Liam says and it's almost above a whisper, then he chuckles. "Guess I'll see you there, then. I can introduce you to my roommate."

The blonde groaned, pushing his body back in his chair to assume a slouching position. He dropped his pen on the desk and crossed his arms. "The crazy one that tried to get me to sell Amelie to him? How about no." Liam didn't say anything back for a little while, finding it hard enough to suppress the laughter that was threatening to erupt and interrupt the whole class. "No," He whispered, "he left. This one just moved in this semester. His name is Harry and he's perfectly normal."

Niall narrowed his eyes, pursing his lips. "And by  _perfectly normal_ you mean-"

"Gay."

The way he said it made Niall jump, grabbing onto Liam's forearm and digging his nails into the skin. "If this is your lame attempt at setting me up I'm not falling for it!"

"Relax," Liam pawed his friend's hands away, running his palms over his sweater sleeves to smooth out the now bunched material. "I just want you to meet him, I have a feeling you two would get on well.  _That's all_." 

Somehow, Niall finds himself agreeing, anticipating the end of this drawn out lecture so he can just take off with his knight in shining armour and hopefully get drunk off his mind. The dismissal doesn't come soon enough though, and he can't help but rush out into the hall before it starts getting crowded, standing just outside the door to check his watch.

_7.40 PM_

He sighs, pulling his sleeve back down over his wrist. He's here, ready to get drunk and "crunk" and whatever else there is - so where's Zayn? "You ready?" He hears from a few inches away, and it's like he materialized out of nowhere, standing so close, quietly checking his phone. 

Niall nods and starts walking alongside Zayn, peering curiously over his shoulder to get a peek at what he was doing. The glass window (easily mistaken as a door, pssh) blocked his attempt, acting as a shield to the outside world as his face collided with the glass. Niall stayed there for a while, sulking to himself as he realized Zayn was holding the door right next to it open for him, looking at him with a concerned glance. "Oh my God." He gasped, holding out a hand to touch the blonde's face. "Are you alright?"

Niall nods again but this time slower, moving his body out of the way and out into the fading light of the courtyard. He rubbed at his forehead for a good moment and hardly noticed Zayn's arm snake around his waist protectively, guiding him to the gate and then to the resident parking lot.

"Are you sure you're alright, man?" Asks Zayn for the millionth time that night, once both boys are in the small car and are driving onto the street. He's grinning that  _grin_ of his, with his tongue pressed up against the back of his front teeth. Niall can't help but laugh a little on his own account. "I really am." And he is, so it's not really a lie. What isn't okay is that he's sure before he hit the glass door he saw Perrie's name flash up on the screen of Zayn's phone, a love heart etched on the end of her message.

It was sickening for the split second he saw it, but he wasn't shallow enough to bring it up like it was some kind of serious issue. So they sat in comfortable silence for the remainder of the journey, only sounds being the faint whirring of the air conditioner and the sounds of the city coming from Zayn's open window. 

Said boy was humming along to a song in his own head, checking every mirror possible before taking a sharp turn down a street of colourfully painted townhouses, bringing the car to a stop infront of a blue and white one that had every light turned on - surprisingly polite indie music blaring from the open windows and doors. "Here we are," Zayn announced playfully, beaming as he took the keys out of the ignition and opened the driver's side door, stepping out onto the street. Niall did the same, closing his door with his heel, following the brunet up the concrete steps and into the house.

Immediately Zayn was swarmed with a generous group of young men, most wearing the generic thick framed glasses and plaid - hair styled up into a neat but still simultaneously messy quiff. "Malik! Nice of you to finally pop by." One of them said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose with his index finger.

Niall watched and listened from behind Zayn's shoulder. "I was in a really interesting lecture, thank you,  _Lewis_. Maybe if you bothered to show up to Art History once in a blue moon you'd know what I'm talking about." He smiled brightly, nudging the guy he referred to. Niall tugged on his shirt, his signature crooked smile sneaking up on his lips once Zayn brings attention back to him, pulling him up so he's standing right infront of him, staring at the small group of men staring back at him.

"Alright nerds, this is Niall." Zayn tightened his grasp on Niall's shoulders, careful not to move him around too much. "Nialler, this is Louis - Josh - and Anthony. Say hi." 

"Hello." Niall tried weakly, still smiling. The boys grinned at him and didn't seem all that bothered that they were all talking at the same time, unaware that Niall had no idea what any of them were saying. "There's drinks in the kitchen." Louis says, breaking the indistinct chatter.

Zayn inhales and nods gratefully, taking to guiding the shorter boy ahead of him through the crowded house until they reach the kitchen, which seems to be the least crowded place to be.

"What do you want to drink, love?"

He hopped up on the counter and watched the other boy open the fridge and take out one of each drink in there, placing them labels up so Niall could choose. "Hm, rum and coke is fine." Zayn nods, pouring the same thing into two red solo cups, handing one to Niall once he's finished and keeping the other for himself. "Quite the party, huh?"

Niall chuckled, looking into his cup before taking a drink, his legs swinging back and forth over the edge of the counter. In a blink of an eye Zayn was between his legs, setting his drink on the counter so he wouldn't spill it on anything. "Nice view from up there?" He asked with a soft chuckle.

Niall could barely think, he'd downed half his drink on impulse and was starting to feel it already - tasting way more rum than coke within the first sip or two. He hiccuped out a giggle, his upperbody jumping from the action. "The nicest."

"Oh god, there you are!" A loud, female voice squawked, coming closer as whoever it belonged to did. It was Perrie, wearing her hair up and a nice floral dress. She looks really nice, Niall thinks, and he's thankful she decided to show up out of nowhere when she did - cause Zayn was already between his legs and he wasn't sure his heart could beat any faster. "Josh told me you went to get a drink so I figured you'd be in here. How was the lecture?" She picked up Niall's half-empty cup and took a drink from it, making a pleased noise in the back of her throat. 

"It was great." Niall said, wiping at his eye with the back of his hand, knowing how sometimes when he's drunk he gets squinty eyed.. and according to Liam, he can add lazy eyed to the list as well. "I'm gonna go use the washroom, excuse me." Zayn backed away so he could jump off the counter, turning his attention to Perrie once he'd left the room.

In his hurry, Niall managed to bump into several different people, one being Liam (of course) who seemed oddly excitable and eager to introduce his friend to the guy he mentioned in the lecture earlier that night. Despite Niall's broken protests he pulled him through the crowd to the back porch (which was actually quite beautiful, lit up with faerie lights that continued in a trail of short ground lamps leading on both sides of the path up to the fireplace and sitting area) nonetheless, he found who he was looking for.

"Harold!" Liam exclaimed, gesturing wildly to his blonde friend. The boy turned around, drink in hand - and he was just as beautiful as the backyard. If not more, or atleast in Niall's _slightly_  tipsy haze. He smiled and suddenly Liam was gone, leaving the two of them on the porch. Niall gulped, but forced a grin. "Hello."

"I'm Harry." The boy said, beaming. Dimples and all.

"Niall."

 

<<

 

As it turns out, Harry is a history major and graciously took Liam's old roommate's spot after said boy had a mental breakdown and had to be physically removed from the school. 

Niall tells him that he's an english major and his friend Zayn is into photography and art history, and he was the one who dragged him here. Emphasis on the  _dragged_ , even though Niall was more than willing to come with him. Harry stands there and nods thoughtfully, then pipes up as soon as he hears a song he likes start to play inside. 

 _Habits_ by  _Tove Lo_

They find themselves a spot to stand in the living room, bypassing the various shoulder bumps with strangers in favour of keeping an eye on each other. Harry snakes his arms around Niall's waist from behind and presses his front against his back, dancing against him slowly. Niall exhales slowly and closes his eyes, letting the music flood his ears and send him into a frenzy.

It's when he feels a set of soft lips at the juncture of his neck does he snap out of it, not having the discipline to put a stop to it, just moving his body like a current. The lips move languidly against his skin, sucking small marks up and down the expanse of his neck. He mumbles a small 'Harry' and nods along to what the taller boy whispers into his ear, lagging behind for a while before he catches up to him outside the unoccupied washroom (coincidence purely)

He spends the next while trying to ignore the stinging feeling in his knees as he lowers onto the tile floor, unzipping Harry's unbelievably tight pants and fitting a hand around his cock before guiding it past his waiting lips. If the moans he's receiving from above his head are anything to go by, he must be doing a good job. He works his hand up and down the shaft along with his mouth, eyes flickering back and forth from Harry's blissed out expression to the currently unlocked bathroom door.

Anyone could walk in at anytime and see him in this... compromising position. Too much to think about, he decides, and swirls his tongue messily around the head - taking the threading of the fingers through his hair and the choked gasps as a warning. He waits a second then gets himself a tissue from the box above the toilet, spitting the contents of his mouth onto it and bunching it up, tossing it into the bin. He helps Harry back into his pants despite him not being nearly drunk enough to be incapable, and excuses himself - closing the door behind him. 

"Niall, where have you been? I've been looking all over for you." Perrie says, grabbing onto Niall's forearm with wide eyes. 

He blinks, lips parted in confusion. "You have? What for?"

"I need a smoke, come outside with me." She fishes a pack of cigarettes and a glittery lighter from her purse, waving it in between them, her neatly filled in eyebrows raised. So he shrugs, why the hell not. "Yeah, okay."

It's starting to get cold out, but it's been cold and raining the entire week so it's not much of a change, but the breeze is a tad annoying. Perrie lights a cigarette for Niall first and passes it to him, then fits one of her own between her glossed lips, cupping her hands around the end as she lights it.

Niall exhales a cloud of smoke, holding his cigarette between his fingers like a delicate pencil of sorts as he looks around. He lifts the tab to his lips again and inhales the smoke, moving it away and blowing the smoke out into the air - watching it catch in the wind and whisp away.

His eyes follow the group of people, thinning by the hour as the clock goes on. He sees Zayn in the middle, dancing face to face with a shorter guy who looks like he's enjoying himself just as much as Zayn is. They're obviously dancing together, but they aren't touching.

"Who's this android?" Niall asks before he can stop himself. Perrie snorts, biting down on her index fingernail. "Childhood friend." She sighs. "His name is _Danny_. He introduced me to him - Says I dress like a streetwalker from the 50's." 

"Bit of an overstatement." Niall mutters, yet again before he can stop himself. Perrie doesn't seem too bothered, too focused on the insult in itself. "Pardon? This is vintage, darling."

The blonde boy cocks his head to look at her, and he's grateful for the taste of the cigarette to block out the taste of the dick he sucked earlier. Oh right! Because that happened. "It's vintage for a reason."

Perrie replies by blowing her intake of cigarette smoke into his face, her eyes never leaving his. 

After a minute or two, she speaks again, clearing her throat and stubbing out her tab - dropping it onto an ashtray on a table outside. "I like this song, I'm going to go dance." Then she leaves, grabbing Josh by the collar of his shirt and pulling him into her own world.

Niall listens to the music, moving his tab between his fingers, contemplating just putting it out and asking Zayn to drive him home - but he doesn't have the willpower to move. He knows this song. Something by  _The Knife_. He thinks, humming along quietly.  _Pass this on_ , that's it.  _Pass this on_ by  _The Knife_.

Good song.

 

>>

 

Zayn wanders down the steps of the house, swaying gently as he continued to dance along to the music. "Hey," He greets as soon as he sees Niall, resting his hand on his arm and dragging it down to his hand as he walked away, unlocking the car and climbing in.

Niall does the same, closing the door and buckling himself in. "I love you, Zayn." 

The other boy splutters, like in the last three seconds he managed to completely sober up. "What?"

"I love you."

He can't bear to look at his face, resorting to painfully glancing out the window instead, watching various party goers stumble down the steps and either walk toward the bus stop or to their own home down the street. He can feel the thinness of the air, and he can almost see the look on Zayn's face right now. Niall assumes he'll never want to talk to him again, and he's risking all their years of friendship, all that.. just so he can confess some drunken feelings he had building up in his mind all night.

A hand settles on his thigh but even then he can't turn.

"Niall.."

He grimaces inwardly.

"Look at me." So he does, and Zayn looks exactly how he pictured. Worried, but not the slightest bit angry or offended. "How.. how long have you felt this way?"

Niall shrugs. He doesn't mean for it to be so careless, but at the same time he does. He's loved him since he first taught him how to ride a skateboard, and since he let Zayn use him as a concept for his art project. "I don't know." 

"I think you just need some sleep, buddy. I'm going to drive you home and then you can go to sleep and..." He trails off, taking deep breaths. Without further adieu he drives away, rolling down Niall's window so he can listen to the rain and also to get some fresh air.

He walks Niall up to his flat, holding his hands behind his back like a shy school girl, walking down the hall and to the door. The blonde sighs tiredly and unlocks his door, stepping in and turning back to Zayn. 

"Goodnight." Is the latter says, then he starts walking off again.

Niall bites his lip, calls out a "Wait!" Catching Zayn's immediate attention. "Can you stay? Please."

 

<<

 

The next morning, Zayn wakes up on a couch - wearing the same clothes he remembers putting on the night before. He has a slight pressure in the side of his head, but it's not as bad compared to the array of hangovers he's had in the past. The tv is turned on mute, playing an infomercial for vacuum cleaners, and Zayn lets his brain process everything around him before he tries to stand up.

He concludes that he must have not drank as much as he thought, but even then he doesn't know how he ended up here. He's aware it's Niall's apartment, but the rest is history.

"Nialler?"

He follows the small groan coming from the bedroom, and finds himself a sleeping blonde boy tucked up in the duvet like a caterpillar. He looks comfy and Zayn's a tad jealous of that, to be honest. He smiles and climbs into bed with him, staring at the back of his head until the other boy speaks.

"Thank you."

Zayn chuckles, resting his hands on his stomach. "For?"

"For staying." Niall says as he rolls over onto his back. His hair is wild, sticking up everywhere and his eyes are bloodshot - so he's most likely hungover. Good for him. Zayn just smiles, shrugging. "That's what friends do.." He hums, then rolls back over onto his side, closing his eyes and pushing his face into his pillow. "Would a friend get his hungover friend a glass of water?"

Zayn clucks his tongue and pushes Niall's fringe away from his forehead gently, standing up and wandering out into the main room and then into the kitchen to pour him some water. His phone goes off as he lays a hand on the refrigerator door, fishing it out of his pocket and answering the call. "Hello?"

" _Zayn, is Niall with you? I only saw him briefly last night and i wasn't sure if he got home okay?"_ Liam's worried tone was unmistakable, sounding like he'd run a wild goose chase trying to find out if his friend was alright. Zayn licked his lips and hummed. "Yeah yeah, don't worry. He's safe, I got him home and he's sleeping now."

 _"Thank you so much, such a little monkey that one is, got me so worried I barely slept last night."_ He started to laugh, but he sounded more tired than anything. Relieved maybe, but tired first and foremost. Not soon after he apologized for calling so early and hung up - and Zayn collected the water and brought it to Niall, kissing him once on the forehead and twice on each cheek for good measure. Niall slurred a thank you into his pillow and pulled the duvet up over his head, making sure the 'love you' he spoke afterwards was soft yet still audible.

 

>>

 

"Zayn!" 

He swears it isn't just his mind playing tricks on him, calling out his name as he walks down the street to the bus stop. He tucks his cold hands into his pockets and continues on, checking over his shoulder out of suspicion. Sure enough, Perrie is jogging down the sidewalk - waving at him. "Hi," She says, giggling. Very out of breath. "I was just wondering if you were free tonight? Maybe you and I could go to dinner or something?"

He furrows his brow. "Is it a special occasion?"

Perrie giggles again, brushing some of her hair away from her face. "No. Just.. a date." But Zayn doesn't pick up on it, praying that his bus won't leave without him. "I, uh.. I'm sorry. I can't." He throws a thumb over his shoulder to hopefully get his point across. "I really have to go." And with that he takes off, cursing himself for not wearing more comfortable shoes as he runs in the direction of the approaching bus.

The blonde girl stands there, isolated - her smile going wonky as she hastily pulls a cigarette from her pocket and attempts to light it in this impossible weather, the wind blowing out the flame each time until she gives up and walks back to her flat. Grumbling a mantra of ' _fuck this_ ' after her.

 

<<

 

Zayn understands how things with Niall work now.

He knows his body language, and how every little titch and every vocal change can mean something that he's been blind to all this time.

Just like Niall understands how things with Zayn work now. Though he wishes he knew all along.

He can be there for him and he can hold him and card his fingers through his hair for hours. 

And in this position, he'd never have a broken heart to mend.

 

fini.

**Author's Note:**

> ♥


End file.
